If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
