Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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