it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize