i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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