If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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