he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
