He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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