i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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