Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so let's talk penis.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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