"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
