I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
