I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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