Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
