I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
