I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
