moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
