the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
