my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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