tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
