85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
