i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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