Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
