my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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