Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
