We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize