u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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