Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
