you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
