I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He has the fingertips of a God
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
