We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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