Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
