good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
