Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
