I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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