Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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