So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
