she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
