he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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