We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
