She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
