Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
