i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize