After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
