At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
