i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
