final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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