Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
