i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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