Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
