I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
