just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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