genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
there was a trapeze. enough said
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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