I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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