we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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