so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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