I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
