I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
how drunk are you?
Several
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
