just come out here and I will go home with you...
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
