Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Did I show you my penis last night?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
