never play flip cup with pint glasses
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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