Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
