meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
