She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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