Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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