Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You're earring is so big in my mouth
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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