Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
