We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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