I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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